Let us pray for one another.

Curtis

I'm losing faith in humanity and our Creator for the second time now within the 33 years I've been alive. They say He knows what we're going to go through and do before it even happens it was already written, I still can't find a way to understand or fully accept everything that I've been through and now I'm in a situation with a lovely beautiful woman than with their 11 years but every breath it feels like we're growing apart I'm being pushed away I cry out to God and he's not there this time it's like he's not answering me my prayers are falling on deaf ears no matter what I do or say I don't know I just don't know we're covering attic father of three watching my mom die in front of me when I was four by the hands of my father and I laid there holding her dead body kind of scoop blood back into her as she's trying to tell me it's going to be okay and that was in 1997 when is it going to be okay when is all this going to go away when is this going to start to stop feeling like it was all in vain when is He finally going to answer me they say He leaves the 99 to get the 1. I'm not trying to be the one but can I be someone? I'm just tired of trying to have the faith of a mustard seed I feel like I'm swimming in Ocean and I don't see the end I don't see any gain any reason nothing I literally see nothing I'm going back to going numb with drawing from the world detaching from everything and everybody. I'm not going to say that He's never been there cuz He's all I've ever had, from being homeless on the streets to being locked up 6 years on a three year sentence because parole lost me in the system no support from family so-called friends nothing nobody financially nothing they wouldn't even accept the phone call even when I was paying for the phone call I've been at the bottom and I'm tired of being at the bottom I can lift everybody else up but I can't lift myself up or get lifted up tired of feeling like I'm alone like I'm abandoned everybody in my life and shook me disappeared got what they can get out of me and that was the end of it I battled drug addiction suicide all kinds of stuff I've had real encounters with Him that I can testify on but it's starting to feel like every time he does decide to come back for me the moment that feeling that enlightenment and enchantment is not even briefly lived it's awesome feel like a fantasy dream and I'm just tired of feeling like I'm stuck in between I just want Him to come back already or come back for me and take me with them I don't want to be responsible or accountable for any of our brothers and sisters I'm trying to write it off I can't take it no more everybody that I've ever gotten close to or allowed them to get close to me has done way too close of the same similar things constantly and I'm always by myself in the streets nothing but what I have on my back and what I can carry or at that point in time in my life I end up going to county jail in prison and had nobody as always so I don't know what to do to think or feel anybody keeps saying to go to him call out to him calling him lean on him I've been I'm not religious I don't put a title I don't call myself a Christian or New age Christian or any of that I know what's real I don't know what's fake I know what I know I know what I feel and I can't nobody shake that or take that away from me so I don't even know why I'm on here honestly guess I'm just using this as an outlet at this point cuz I don't have nobody to talk to or let this out

Received: August 11, 2026